One of the more popular segments in our morning radio show is sex and love advice every tuesday. All of us on the show have our own opinions on different matters. This may help (or not) listeners in deciding on what to do with their so-called problems.
A few days ago I received an email from a woman who is asking for some advice. She wants to stay anonymous so I am not pasting her email address here. I told her let me think about it first because I do not want to just give her any advice (assuming this is not a prank email). Finally, I decided to reply last night once I have gathered my thoughts on her situation.
I would like to share with you her email just to get your thoughts on it as well. It might help her (or not). Here goes...
From:
Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 6:15:11 PM
Subject: sharing
Hi! just wanted to get your input...i know this is basically for fan mail and stuff...i listen to your morning radio show, heard about your blog and saw your email there....
just wanted to get your opinion....not really sharing this with any friend....so I won't be revealing my name also....think you are a strong woman so I know you may not agree with what I did....
a few months ago, found out that my husband was cheating on me...at first, he said it was just texting even if the texts included i love you, i want you...i miss you...want me to pass by your place?etc....and I believed him but of course I started doubting.
even if he did say sorry, cried that he was afraid I would leave him etc....we reconciled but still I had feelings that there were more than what he was really telling me...
i started researching and digging and began to found out more about the girl, about the relationship...we would talk it took a while before he finally admitted that they slept together a few times....he would lie to me about meeting up with his guys friends or meetings in the office only to find out that those few times 4-6 times they slept together. I researched about the girl, their texts, checked out her FB profile, called the office - I have all her cellphone (even when it changed) I know her dept and her office line,etc. I know how her kids look like too..pati multiply na research ko! If they started sleeping together May 2010....kasama pa niya asawa niya May 2009...saw pics at mutiply....saw recent pics also on her FB but she unfriended my hubby FB account na.
the girl was newly separated with two kids also. we also have two kids. she would leave the kids at home and meet up with my husband....based on the test, she is kinda a drama queen....
hubby says it ws because he couldn't connect with me and couldn't discuss his issues with me...ako tiniis ko ang ugali niya because I knew he was working hard and I don't want to add to his stress....
of course, we reconciled but a part of me is unable to fully trust him...i feel that he still keeps things from me...i found out about a girl that would email him with hi houw are you...etc with matching still miss you???? would a girl who is your friend say that to you even if you left that company already for two years??? I saw a text yesterday from a number I kept and earmarked na for research as to who....may how are you....hubby didn't save the number kaya number lang lumabas....found out naman that the one who sent that still miss you msg last year is the one who owns that postpaid number....gumagaling na nga ako magresearch eh...
I love my husband. I want this to work not only because I love him but also because of our children. We have known each other for 20 years....we are in our early forties....make up sex has been great too....
malabo ba ako? guess, I need some kind of validation if what I am doing is right....I know for my kids it is.....I know I am a smart girl but will thinking about what is best for my kids make me stupid...I told him that if he does this again...I will leave him....
thanks for allowing me to share......
if you think you can raise your kids at your own dump your husband hes babaero!
ReplyDeleteget your revenge (get tips from mo on this, if needed), leave and never ever look back.
ReplyDeleteI feel for her...same thing happened to me..it was like my life story flashing before me...my ending though we are kinda separated i hate the days he comes to the house which is once every 3months ave....i lead my own life with the kids...my motto...better to live a happy life alone than a misserable one with somebody...i realized that i was so stupid allowing a person to treat me like shit...im a better person now...
ReplyDeleteif your saving the marriage for the kids? hell to him.
ReplyDeletejust go with what you feel, exhaust all the love, try to understand that everything happens for a reason, however look into urself research urself....there are tyms that we look faults on our partner,not knowing that we are the one who pushed them to that kind of thinking....or situation....if you think uve done ur part.....that's enough...move on take care of the kids.....the day will come that god will make sure he will regret everything he did to your family....
ReplyDeleteLEAVE!definitely
ReplyDeleteIts really hard to decide especially if you have kids, in this kind of situation you have to consider the feelings of your kids, yes LEAVING HIM is really easy to do but its really HARD to see those kids who will suffer living without a father and without a so called FAMILY!
ReplyDeletedon't be a martyr!!! Be strong. You seem well educated and can go on without him. Leave him. Children easily adjust. Children can live without a father, but cannot live without a mother.
ReplyDeleteSimple questions, can you live without him and are you financially stable?
ReplyDeleteIf you are then there is no reason for you to stay in this relationship.
This saying is sooo true in your situation, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
Confront the woman! Slap her face, kick her ass! For your own satisfaction... but make sure na you plan it out para di karin mapahamak... Then, take it from there... If you feel that you still want to give your stupid husband a chance, then do so... not for him, not just for the kids, but for yourself... men can really be stupid you just need to accept that fact...but set your limitations... suffering is always a choice ;)
ReplyDeleteYou should leave your husband!!!!!hello girl wake up...dna uso martir ngaun...
ReplyDeletesituations like this always surfaces up in every second couple in the world... think of your kids, give him an ultimatum. make him understand/realize that by continuing doing what he knows is wrong, it is imminent that he will lose all that is most important in his life. his family that is... the ball is in your court, make him choose, a complete and happy family? or a relationship that everybody knows will not go anywhere? by doing so don't forget to ask guidance to The Almighty... He alone can give you courage and better judgment.
ReplyDeleteYou are smart and good girl ...the things you did was all for your family ...but if its just you i can see that you can just leave and move on...but the thing is you and him are one remember"to have and to hold for richer and for poorer for sickness and in health" ...talk to him as a friend not your husband ask him ano talaga gusto niya and tell him also anong side mo ...i think for 20 years of being together you can talk things clearly and amicably...good luck sa yo...pray and ask God to help you and enlighten you .
ReplyDeleteif this happens to me? i'll choose to move on and live my life.
ReplyDeleteYou've wasted too much of your life on him already. I've got 4 kids raising them on my own, and without him around, I am now basking in the glory called FREEDOM.
ReplyDeleteleave him, & move on girl!!! get a new life with your kid. i know u have the strength to carry on, because nakayang mo siyang tiisin sa ginagawa kayong niyang saktan. So prove to him that you can do it. I know DJ Mo is gonna tell the same, just leave him... & good luck.
ReplyDeleteI went through the same ordeal and my husband left me and our two kids. I don't want to sound so righteous or biblical or preachy, but I chose to do it God's way ... the ways of the world would say its martyrdom, go for an annulment, date other men, you can live without him, or other forms of revenge. But I did otherwise and listened to godly counsel. After several years of praying for my husband, showing him kindness, not treating him as an enemy, and loving him more, God rewarded me and He answered much much more than what I prayed for. My husband said that he came to a point of comparing my treatment to him vs that of his mistress.
ReplyDeleteThen a miracle happened that brought my husband home. Then he started attending the church and bible studies with me. Soon after, he had the urge to serve God. Now he is a pastor! We are into counseling couples encouraging the wives (and husbands) to hold on to their marriage because what God had done to me, he can do the same to many others. It just takes a strong wife to depend and trust in what God can do.
Being strong is not resorting to living alone or marrying again. A strong woman will endure, patiently wait, love unconditionally, and forgive endlessly because the battle is not yours but God's. And with God, you are sure to win the war and overcome the enemy.
The choice that you make now can make or break your future. Think not only of your own life but also that of your children. Think about how you can please God with the choices that you make. God sees your heart. If you do it for the Lord, which is not easy, your labor will not be in vain and He will reward you especially if you did it for Him!
I endured for 10 years, but after making the right decision to do it God's way, it has been 12 years of a wonderful, meaningful, harmonious, and an overflowing love-filled marriage.
Focus on what God can do, not on the sinner and the sin. What is happening now can only weaken your faith, lead to hatred, and harbor pain. The future is in God's hands and He promises plans that will prosper you and to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
God can change, transform lives, and restore marriages. With God nothing is impossible!
you deserve better than staying together. Take courage!
ReplyDeleteif you love the bastard and still want to continue the relationship because of your children, then be it so,. but the fact he had already cheated on you and i think he will do it again, then better leave him, it is better for you and your kids, Stupidity will not make you better, face the facts dear... you deserve better,,...
ReplyDeleteSaxvier =)
you should really ask yourself if you truly love him and not just the fear of the future if you are left with your kids not having their father.
ReplyDeletehe had issues with you and chose to deal with it with infidelity...what makes you think he will not do it again. marriage is never EASY but it would take the 2 of you to work it out and not ONE.
I could never be able to live my life without trust with the people I'm around with. Can you do that? If not then pack up and leave. Though you would try so HARD this time, it might not be pretty if you let it pass then EXPLODE i the future. Are you sure you can keep it to yourself till the day you die?
Make your life easier and think about YOU! I know you are a MOM but before you can decide good things for you kids, decide something GOOD for YOURSELF!
I did what your husband did. I cant talk to my ex. She was always avoiding confrontations and discussions. What she does is run away when we have this conversations. The next thing is she goes out with her friends, smoke like a chimney, etc. We have been in that situation for 11 years. After 6 years of marriage. From a loving husband, I became a womanizer. I like talking, I never had any vices, and I didn't saw those traits from my ex-wife. That's why when I meet someone and we become friends. I fall for her, specially is she's a listener. I never like arguments too. It really feels good to be heard, sadly, not my ex but someone else. I left my ex when we were in the US, the good thing is we became closer after that. It's just that we accepted that we were not for each other. We still laugh and tell stories about our lives mainly because we don't want our daughter to carry what we did with our relationship. Maybe, we were not really friends enough before we got married. and maybe, we love ourselves so much more than her/me. My advice to the lady, love yourself, accept your faults in your relationship, let your husband think of what he had done. He will miss you someday. He's used to how you are with him. I miss my ex too. It's just that I was happy for her all the time now. You don't own him even if you are married. It's just a lease for a time, I hope you had the best of him.
ReplyDeleteIm a 17 year old girl and I think any form of cheating is completely unacceptable and unforgivable. I recently just broke up with my boyfriend because I found out that he has been going to open parties without even letting me know. What happens usually at parties nowadays? Kids getting drunk, end up flirting with each other next thing you know, they'd been sleeping with each other. so I left him after finding out that he's been going to open parties. We did have sex a couple of times in the past but even if I loved him so much and even lost my v card to him, I still felt that I had to leave him because even if this is just a white lie, if I forgive him this could escalate to an even bigger lie which of course would be really bad because it will surely lead to bigger problems. It also won't do me any good it'll just traumatize me emotionally.
ReplyDeleteSo I think you should just leave him and find a better man or better yet just focus on your kids.
leave him for Christ sake...if he comes back,don't accept him.u already gave him a chance and he blew it.
ReplyDeleteGIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! AND ANOTHER! AND ANOTHER! AND ANOTHER! LET HER SCREW THE B!TCH! THIS SHOULD BE A NO BRAINER RIGHT?!
ReplyDeleteinteresting. i happened to listen in to your show this morning and you were actually discussing this particular case. made me interested enough to look for your blog though our interests are rather different (except for the sex and love advice part ha ha ha). stay cool!
ReplyDeleteits hard to make a comment when you are with the same situation.. hayysss
ReplyDeletegreat.. same story here.. we were separated for a year because he was deployed in korea. and later found out he was having a relationship from a prostitute with 2 kids named zyril escabusa.. working in club paradise, songtan korea.. (just outside the osan airbase..)i called and talked to her a couple of times..and she was talking to me in a f*cked-up way.. prostitute like..i even went to korea but I couldn't find her.. it was a slap on my face since he cheated on me and prolly had sex on our first year anniversary and his birthday.. ('coz i saw her page with a status update of "it's my baby's bday.. then a video of "birthday sex".. ).. i immediately leave him..but he just keep on coming back asking for forgiveness and gonna make bawi.. and so on and so on.. were now casual like..he is still in korea and im here in the phils.. what he didn't know is i will never ever ever love him d way i did before.. and i will never trust him back ever again..
ReplyDelete